The discussion we had with Father Silviu on Sunday, April 23rd, 2023 (doubting Thomas and Antipascha), was a huge blessing for all ROYA members. His sincerity about his observations of Orthodox youth was a medicine for the soul. He provoked us, through his honest, kind, and open demeanor to ask questions that were lying deep within us. They will be listed below for easier access and clarity. Please note that the responses and questions are not written as they were exactly stated in the discussion, but they are paraphrased.
What are some misconceptions youth have about how they should be in today’s society?
We have the task to redefine human beings. Society has molded youth to have the idea that they are going to change the world. We like this idea because it creates a sense of heroism. However, it’s very difficult to live this way, because the set expectations youth have for themselves impacts the way they perceive the world. Modernity helps to prop them up, to bolster our ego. Words like “vocation”, “calling”, are not only in the secular world, but have made their way in the church. In boosting the ego, the enemy makes his way into our hearts. When we die, we’ll realize that this bolstering leads up to nothing; it is empty. We should instead realize that the only fullness is in Christ. To live this reality of Christ is to be present, and to live the day of today. This helps our ego, because when we live in the present, our ego ceases to exist.
What should we tell ourselves when we feel defeated about our failures? What should we do?
Fr. Silviu talked about how many of his students that are working in church ministry say, “Help me, because I am depressed”. Some are even suicidal. They struggle because they feel they do not live up to the heroism described earlier. But we don't need to do anything. Christ takes care of it all. The Christian life is much simpler than we make it out to be. We should say, “Christ, you know me, help me.” This lets us let go of the ego. However, we should not push ourselves by saying, “I’m going to be a master of the virtues”, because this desire for the self inadvertently weaves in the ego, defeating our original purpose. Rather, we should realize that all things come from Christ, and we are to trust Him, and to have peace in Him. This is ultimately achieved through prayer, not just for us but also for others. In fact, Fr. Silviu mentioned, “The greatest thing to do for others is prayer, and this leads us to peace in Christ.”
We use these moments when we are defeated to turn to Christ and not to ourselves. When you are broken, think of the Eucharist: the body is broken for you. When you don’t know, and feel uncertain, or defeated, run to Christ, and say, “Lord, take hold of me. I know you are here, hold me.” And He will.
What is the role of apologetics within Orthodoxy? Is there a place for it?
The early Church Fathers were apologetic. They had built up an inner life before expounding the truth. And thus, we are encouraged to do the same. The saints have matured to the full stature of Christ. They speak of Him through their pores. Note that the Lord doesn't say, “go convince people”. We should not feel like we need to tell someone the exact words that they need to hear. An apologist is not a teacher, they are holy people. The disciple emulates the apologist. The ultimate apologist is the Mother of God. She teaches through silence. How does she do this? By being the embodiment of her Son. The more we talk, the less we are. The holy life is the proper way. If we argue to others about what is the truth, the person we talk to will instantly put up a wall to protect themselves, and justifiably so. We should remember that brutality is the opposite of Christ. Screaming against them is not the truth. We don't scream, we pray and love.
What should I do if someone is insisting on their way of belief?
Ask them kindly to stop, because it is not useful. Gently explain that you are of a different conviction. Say, “If I am respectful of your convictions, please be respectful of mine.” Don't turn their strategy back to them. We have to act in such a way that they would want to be like us. Let us observe the martyrs: martyrs brought more people to the Church more than anyone else. Witnesses were inspired by their death. Being eaten alive by an animal is terrifying, but they went with light on their faces. All of this was done through Christ. Christ will handle it. Christ will do everything. We just have to focus on the present moment.
Should we be friends with atheists?
We must accept people as we are. We can befriend people, but should not become friends with someone with the mentality to change them. The Christian life is determined by peace. The Lord shows us this in His manner of life. Thus, we shouldn't be aggressive with anyone. If we try to correct people, they will put up walls. Unless they ask for our opinion, we should not try to correct them. We have to be patient, and they have to decide to ask. It is important to remember that we will be able to help others better if we have a good atmosphere within ourselves. Someone, however, with a sense of self-righteousness will affect those around them. People within 5 minutes will have disagreements among themselves. But when Christ walks in a room, he changes the entire atmosphere. We should clean the inside before the outside. Many times, we look on the outside first and work backwards. We should accept people, and we love them authentically and deeply, as the Lord commands, to the point where we have no enemies. The key for us is to be lights, and to not try to correct or change others.
How should we think about death and not fear it, or fear those around us dying?
Fr. Silviu said, “At the end of the day, we understand that we can do nothing. Only love allows us to gain. Every gain causes us to lose. We lose to gain. Knowledge of the self is that I am nothing, and thus, we can watch nothing die. We are ready to die when we do not see ourselves as heroes, knowing that I do not change the world.”
The Fathers say not to judge the self, but how is this different from repentance?
Fr. Silviu said that things must be done with simplicity. They are much simpler than they may seem to be. Judgment of self is ownership of self. However, I do not belong to myself. Even Paul says, “I do not judge myself.” (1 Corr 4:3). To say, “I'm so bad”, can be very egotistical. What then, is true repentance? Elder Aimilianos of Simonopetra talks about true repentance in his book, The Way of the Spirit. Repentance is not a focus on me. It is not about being sorry. God never tells us to be regretful. The root word of regret in Greek is anxiety. Repentance is a reorientation, a shift from turning to myself, to turning to Christ. We say, “Lord, forgive me”. Think of the prodigal son: he comes to his senses. If he had turned to himself and beaten himself down, then he would have been paralyzed, and not have gone home. But, in this parable, he just goes home. That is repentance: going to the Father. We focus on the Father and the thought of Him draws me home.
An additional thought on what real love is:
Real love is not egotistical. The love that we understand today is egotistical. We love because they please us. This is built on the ego, which is why relationships fall apart so easily. Real love is the feeling that my home waits for me. To really love, we let go of what is comfortable, and forget the self. We love others regardless of what they do because we turn to Christ. We are called to love the way saints have loved people. The love that Christ talks about is the substance of eternity.
We were very grateful to have such an honest and important discussion with Fr. Silviu Bunta, and for all the sincere and thought-provoking questions. We look forward to our next opportunity to speak with him!
Christ is risen!
A ROYA member
